Hope Prevails

I don’t want this post to reflect the rage I feel over the process, or lack thereof, that is delaying us being united with our baby, so I won’t get into any details as to why we are no nearer to Thien than we were in August. I won't even mention it! I will say that we’re not alone, as many families in the U.S. (not to mention the babies) are experiencing this torturous delay.

I know Thi is in the loving hands of caretakers in her orphanage, but I also know she is in a huge orphanage where the number of orphans is high, yet resources and caretakers are extremely scarce. I also know that recently several babies have died or been hospitalized throughout orphanages in Northern Vietnam due to the harsh winter the region is experiencing, and due to the viruses raging through it. Not to be overly dramatic, but to be quite factual.

I can tell you this whole experience has been a slow torture for me. Weekends are particularly gloomy. Sometimes I feel like the joy I had when I first saw her referral picture was a world ago. But I can say the experience has given me some strength that will serve well when raising my daughter. I've learned some big life lessons in this short time that will help me help her get through tough times she'll face later in life. I’m thankful for my busy work weeks that keep me focused on something else and don't leave me much time to pine over a situation I can't do much about. And of course I'm staying focused on how intensely happy I will be when Thi is finally placed in my arms. It's a rare excitement, far more intense than waiting in line for the Dragster at Cedar Point. Like my little plaque in the nursery says, a baby fills a place in your heart that you never knew was empty. And right now my cat Monkey is filling the crib that is never empty. If Thi's allergic to cats, we're in real trouble.

I’m preparing myself for potentially handling attachment disorder or any other developmental issues that can affect a child who has been institutionalized for more than a year (it's just not a realistic expectation that we'll have her by her first birthday this summer). I’m not saying this will happen – we all know many children do very well – and I certainly do! - but the older Thien is, the more traumatic the adoption will be for her, the more she will mourn over being taken from her first home, and the more that the lack of bonding with her Mom during her early months will affect her into her teenage years and beyond.

I’m researching resources that will help us remain in touch with Thien’s culture, and that will help her become bilingual. All she knows right now is Vietnamese, her first words will be in Vietnamese, and I want to try to make sure her first language is preserved and nurtured.

We have a large Vietnamese community here in the Detroit area, and I’ve spoken with many people who are ready to teach her Vietnamese. So when she’s a teenager, she’ll be able to shout at me, “I hate you! I wish you never would have adopted me! My birth Mom would have let me stay out until midnight!” along with a few swear words and I won’t know what the heck she’s saying.

I’m trying to learn, but at 38 it’s more difficult than it would have been at 1-5 years.

There are hundreds of American families experiencing this incredible delay, thousands of people affected. I can say with confidence that within my family alone, there are dozens of people who just cannot wait for her to come to us. It’s particularly agonizing for my Mom and for my Mother-In-Law, who love her as much as I do.

Thank you everyone who has been so supportive. Like I said at my shower that took place in another lifetime, she is going to be blessed with an incredibly loving, supportive and nurturing family.

You can also visit the following website, created by adoptive parents in the U.S. waiting to bring their children home from Vietnam. Who knows, maybe you can help!

Bring Our Children Home
http://www.bringourchildrenhome.org/601.html